I often feel like I’m a fraud. Because “cultivating gratitude daily” (the current subtitle of this blog) is more like a dream than it is a reflection of my life and the reality of what I’m actually doing and feeling.
But then I recall the truths God has been teaching me through his servants: “our feelings lie and we get to boss them around” (via @JoyceMeyer) and because “some of this disappointment is neurotic… worse than trivial; it is simply the sour fruit of self-absorption…” (via @JohnOrtberg) and because I’ve come to believe that gratitude changes everything – “Perspective can always adopt gratitude *and gratitude always parents joy.*” (via @AnnVoskamp) I’m “staying at it.” (via @KenJCosta)
Thankfully, the more I fill my mind with the right human voices that tell me “Don’t Stop on 6” and “Cancel the Audition” and to “Pound the Ground” and the more I get into God’s word to know HIM he guides me to remember his truths about who I am in him.
I didn’t expect this to be a daily battle (even minute by minute battle). I thought somehow that when I accepted Christ, and when I really decided to devote my life to him that somehow the enemy IN me would shut up. But it doesn’t get easier to choose gratitude over self-pity and self-absorption. It’s just better.
I’ve been in the self-pity place. In the self-absorbed place. Where did that get me? Stuck. Paralyzed. Angry. Frustrated. Overwhelmed.
I choose gratitude because I know when I do, it’s a shot at the devil. I pick up my sword and I fight the battle. I sling another stone at that loser who keeps trying to keep me from doing what God’s called me to. I pray for my husband (even though this is not what I want or how I feel or what seems natural). I pray for my children (even though they’re ungrateful, and self-absorbed and say the rottenest things) and I remember this verse:
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners,
Christ Jesus might display his immense patience
as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.
(1 Timothy 1:16 NIV)
Because without Jesus, I’m just like my children.
Ungrateful. Self-absorbed. Prone to saying all the wrong things.
But in Jesus, I am Beautiful. Loved. Lovely. Encouraging. Joyful. Peaceful. Patient. Kind.
And you are, too lovely friend. In Christ you are perfect. Thank you sweet friends for sharing this journey with me.